There are some things only people born to foreign parents can truly understand. You are never too old to be afraid of your dad, empty margarine tubs can and will be made into makeshift Tupperware containers and your parent’s favourite phrases include “move out” “get married” or “get a job”. You are of course allowed/ expected to live at home until you’re married, which for the record should be by the age of 25.
You’ve heard the words “I came to this country with only £2 in my pocket…” at least once a week for the first 18 years of your life and quite frankly, that’s just the tip of the very strange iceberg…
1. Despite the fact they’ve lived in this country for 29 years, you still need to act as a translator between your parents and the rest of the world.
2. Scaring boys who come over is one of your dads favourite hobbies
3. Visits to the motherland require an empty suitcase to return contraband in. Sure you can buy olive oil from the supermarket up the road, but oil just tastes better after a 6 hour plane journey and 12,000 air miles.
4. As a kid you weren’t grounded you were beaten
5. Marriage is a constant topic of conversation in your house
6. Your dad feels the need to give you his permission for everything you do, even when you didn’t ask for it.
7. Being force fed is a casual part of your everyday life. When visiting other family members, turning down food is only slightly less offensive than setting their house on fire.
8. Tupperware is the basis of your existence
9. Every female family member is obsessed with cleaning
10. Every argument ends with “while you’re under my roof you do as I say…”
11. Leaving the house requires a full and detailed report of your plans, whereabouts and travel route.
Despite the obvious weirdness which is absolutely impossible to explain to non-foreigners, being born to immigrant parents has its definite perks.
Sure, you were the kid who wasn’t allowed to attend sex ed classes at school (because why do you need to learn about sex if you’re going to get married a virgin) but it isn’t all bad. Being born to foreign parents usually comes with a huge family which means more Christmas presents, better birthday parties and absolutely legendary weddings.
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